Life and Loves -

Ideas for Staying Connected During Times of Stress

May 11, 2020

Just because we’re together all the time, doesn’t mean we feel closer. Before the stay at home order, Jason and I made it a point to go on dates together. That’s out. We would get lunch or have a day date while the kiddos were in school. That’s out. The kids are constantly vying for our attention, so our relationship is stressed as well. Which is totally understandable! I came up with a couple of ideas if you are in the same boat. This list is not necessarily for those who are still working outside of the home or for a family touched by the virus. That’s a whole other situation that I have zero input on. This is for those couples who are staying at home together all day everyday trying to stay sane. Emotional connectivity is an important component in a strong relationship and the key to resilience.

Look each other in the eyes
This may sound silly. Yet, I know that we can get so caught up in doing and delegating or working as a team to get the kids to bed or to do their chores that the other person can become a person that’s managed instead of our favorite person. Make it a point to set down your phone and give them your full attention at least once a day. This is not an exercise with a five minute time limit of eye contact, It’s however long. In your mind you are saying, “I see you.” “I’m fully present and here with you in all this chaos.” It might feel cheesy, but it gives you a moment of reconnection.
Take your time in bed
You likely aren’t commuting or really even spending that much time getting ready in the morning. When it comes to sexy time, there is less of a rush or need to check sex off the list and get the required 8 hours before speeding off to work in the morning. If nighttime isn’t y’all’s time, perhaps being a little bit lazy in the morning can be your thing.
Allow the other some alone time
Hopefully you have space in your relationship to say, “I love you. I’m gonna watch Twilight downstairs tonight by myself.” It’s not hurtful, it’s stating a need for alone time. You aren’t rejecting your partner, you’re taking care of yourself and will come back to them refilled and refreshed. If it’s a bath alone, a walk alone, whatever will allow you to destress – take the time. If your partner is the one asking, graciously say, “of course, babe!” “I’ll watch the kiddos or entertain myself.” If this is a difficult thing for you to be able to ask of your partner, you aren’t doing him or her any favors by staying silent. Ask for what you need, you will all benefit.
Be courteous and generous
It’s hard to spend this much time with people. Be intentional about how you talk to each other. Mind your manners. If one of you is snippy, try to be empathetic, but take no sh*t. This is a great opportunity to learn to use “I” statements. I feel disrespected when you talk to me like that. I would really like it if we cleaned the kitchen together at night. The other person may be huffy. Let them be huffy and say thank you once you’re done. If you can, speak their love language. For acts of service, take the garbage out or do something for them they normally do themselves. If gifts make them smile, while filling up that Instacart, grab their favorite Oreo’s. Words of affirmation? Tell them their quarantine outfit is on point or you love that they’ve perfected the messy bun. These are small things that will make a big impact in your day to day interactions.
Be kind to yourself
Did you see my post on masking? That’s just one way I’ve been trying to take care of myself. I also take that extra few minutes of sleep if I need it. Have you taught the kids to make their own breakfast yet? (We’re all becoming ’80’s moms!) Listen to your body, we’re stress eating for sure, but let’s try to make some good choices if you can and give yourself grace if not. If you take care of yourself, you are much better able to take care of others. The house is gonna be dirtier because being in crisis and under stress makes us shut down.
Make a night special or a new routine
Perhaps you order dinner and after feeding the kids, you have them skedaddle to their rooms and eat adult food by candlelight or out on the porch or patio. We made our night special by getting dressed up, putting flowers on the table and moving the Google mini to the dining room for music. Whatever would make it a special night and not just another night of take out. Perhaps like many other Americans you’ve discovered the art of the 5 o’clock cocktail hour. Whatever gives you and your significant other an activity to do together, take that time and do it! Board games, Xbox, cornhole, murder mystery, tiktok dances or watching the Harry Potter series for the 100th time. Routines will help you connect and give you something to look forward to during the day or week.
Table Topics
This one is for the kiddos too. There is so much time for talking! Except, if I have to hear one more Minecraft story I might scream. We make it a point to have dinner together every night. However, we’ve run out of things to talk about and now it’s just replays of video games or trivia about reptiles. I purchased TableTopics Family Infomania I chose this box because the topics need to be interesting enough for a sixteen year old, but also understandable for a six year old too. They have a variety of boxes. Couples, work meetings, road trips, and so on so you can pick your pleasure. Dinners were a little awkward at first, but we’ve learned new things about each other and I’m finding that they bring up memories to share with my two older kiddos from when I was a teenager or married to their father. It has made that time much more bearable and curbed the Minecraft replays.

Our night in, with Hickory Tavern deliciousness and a game of Scrabble.

These are just ideas I have that we’ve tried and by no means encompass every couple or family’s dynamics. I’m hoping, however, it gets you brainstorming or noticing where you can be kind to yourself or that special bunkmate your stuck with for a little while longer. This is a crazy time for everyone.

Quarantine Masking (not that kind)

April 29, 2020

Facial masks make me happy and I’m trying all the little things that might possibly make me slightly more able to endure isolation and ward off inevitable depression. If you like masks, but aren’t sure where to start, I’ve tried a few and share my thoughts here, so that you can make an informed decision if you so choose.

Masks I’ve Used Before
I lean towards green beauty. I have sensitive skin, especially on my face and prefer to use products without unnecessary chemicals. In the past I have tried Loreal Pure Clay Masks. Those were like my gateway masks and I still recommend the charcoal one. The only drawback for it is it hardens as it dries and you will need to take it off with a washcloth. It’s thick, yo. I tried the orange-ish one too that exfoliated and brightened as well as the green one that was actually a sugar scrub and smelled delicious. I’ve been using them for over a year. Charcoal, hands down, still a fave. I wouldn’t call it “green beauty”, but it’s definitely cleaner than some other products.

A while back, I spent a bit of money on a Tata Harper Daily Essentials set of all their favorite goodies. The brand is definitely considered green beauty and have the price tag for it. Would I buy their mask again? Probably not, but a lot of people LOVE Tata Harper. The mask was nice, but I wasn’t a fan of the smell or the price. When I slather it on my face I don’t want to be thinking about how much money I spent or skimp on the product to save it. I’m a spender, not a saver, so that should tell you something.

New Masks
Target has been adding some great middle of the road green beauty products and I am here for it. They have a lot of the Say Yes to Carrots brand. I think this is one of those, “natural” brands. They claim 95% natural ingredients and vegan to boot. I am not here to zero in on the sneaky ingredients, but the last ingredient is fragrance which irritates my skin. Boo.

I tried two of their face masks multiple times, but couldn’t leave them on more than 10 minutes. This is my personal sensitivity issue. You might like them! They are a good choice for quick and dirty masking. They come in a trial size (which is what I grabbed) for $3-$5. You can get 2-3 uses out of it. After my first use, I put the rest into a glass jar I saved from the clay masks mentioned before that I had washed out to keep the ingredients stable. The two pictured are pretty similar. Exfoliate, brighten, all that jazz. I am pretty good about cleaning my face at night, unless I didn’t wear makeup and then I get lazy. These make me feel better about my laziness.

Another brand Target has added is Bliss. Super excited about this brand. The first mask I tried was the Marshmallow one. I’m on a bit of a mission about some discoloration, (lookin’ at you 4oth bday next year). It’s whipped which is nice and easy to apply. The smell is nice and light too. I have used this one a few times and my skin feels nice after wards. Balanced and clean.

Because I knew I would be writing about my experiences, I also decided to try the Mint Chip Mania mask from Bliss. It has cooling properties and is hydrating. It’s …different. You are supposed to pat it on, wait 10-15 minutes and then rub in the shea butter “chips” before rinsing it off. I accidentally rubbed it all in to begin with by mistake because I was impatient! It was still cooling and definitely moisturizing, but works better when you follow directions. Obvs. I don’t know how I feel about this one. My skin felt moisturized and the cooling feature was lovely, but I don’t know that I will use this one often, because of the two step process and also because hydration isn’t a major need for me. The website, which is so well done, suggests to try it after a day in the sun. Floridians! This could be your mask! Super fun to try, for sure.

Lastly, I am a big fan of One Love Organics. Their Easy Does It facial cleanser is amazing. The gentlest cleanser that doesn’t freak me out when I wash my eye makeup off and actually washes off my eye makeup! I’ve been using it for over a year now and love it. I was looking to order more on their website and decided to look at their masks. I found their Love and Charcoal Masque and although it’s a bit pricier than the others, I went for it. It’s got so much good stuff in it! This company is eco certified which you can read all about that here if it’s your jam. What I care about is how it smells, feels and if it helps. This product checked all those boxes for me. It’s enjoyable to use and my skin is so happy afterwards! If you only have $50 to spend on masks, I’d go for this one, or you can try two Bliss masks. They have plenty of options and even some overnight masks.

Other New Products
Throughout the last few weeks of masking, I also decided to try two other Bliss products. The first is the Bright Idea Serum. This goes on under your moisturizer, but not around your eyes. I had heard about using Vitamin C as well as the Tripeptides for age spots. Let me tell you, I have seen a difference. It is supposed to prevent hyperpigmentation, which is common in my family, as well as help with elasticity. I Marco Polo almost daily, so every day I am basically staring at my face. I have been going without makeup much more often lately, because quarantine, and I’m not so scary! The combination of masking and for sure the consistent use of this serum is helping my skin to be much happier. My age spots are lightening and my skin feels tighter. I loved the serum so much, I decided to try the Ex-glow-sion eye cream. I’ve just started using it, so I can’t say too much about it, but so far so good. I was worried about irritation because my eye area is especially sensitive, but haven’t had any issues. I may have been noticing a lightening of my dark circles, but I am hard core not sleeping well, so it might be a losing situation. Anyone else, with the not sleeping? Just the laying in bed until 2am or so with all the thoughts? No? Just me?

A face mask will not cure this pandemic, but the 15 minutes of self care and stress relief might help you endure a little better the quiet, slower pace or the mounting tasks and needs of your family. I hope this helps you choose and feel free to ask questions or share your favorites.

Jetton Park and Getting Reacquainted with my Camera

April 1, 2020

We’re on lockdown, but allowed to get out and get some exercise. Thankfully, the weather has been cooperating. I think it was almost 90 degrees this passed weekend! Since life is a bit slower lately, I’ve felt that pull to use my camera more and create. I took my camera with us and got some interesting pictures.

These two pictures were on my memory card from a trip to GA and our first trip to a local park back in September. Nora has grown so much since then!

There were quite a few people at Jetton Park that’s on Lake Norman, so much so that people were out right exclaiming that they’ve never seen so many people there before the virus.

Most people are practicing Social Distancing, but the vibe was not of a pandemic or crisis.

There are a few beaches and rocks near the water, which is a nice change from our little subdivision.

It was a bright sunny day. Not like today with a high of 60 and clouds. For whatever reason, the kids really didn’t want to go. They somewhat made the best of it, but the kids are getting older and less excited about leaving the house and their friends. It was nice to get out in the sunshine and have a change of scenery, but as much as we’d like to pretend our life hasn’t been turned upside down, it has and we’re also not comfortable yet in our new city. Everything is still new and we haven’t found a favorite place yet. Except the library…which is closed. We’re trying to stay positive, but we also miss family. I hope everyone is staying safe and finding ways to entertain themselves. I know it’s hard to stay home and hard for those that are essential and must return to work daily, but we can do this and hope for good to come of it. I think about those who have gotten the virus and those who have died. It make s me angry to think it could possibly have been prevented, but I’m also a very practical person who can compartmentalize emotion and understand that people do die. I’m sad for the families, especially because they can’t be together for risk of exposure. I’m sad for the mamas who aren’t allowed to have their partners or doulas with them while they labor and give birth. It doesn’t seem fair, but life isn’t fair. I’m reading online about the affluent and privileged fleeing NYC to their second and third homes while whole families are hunkered down in 500 sq ft apartments.

This virus has revealed a lot about people, companies, our government. There are those who are compassionate and helping those less fortunate or those beholden to them. Landlords waiving April’s rent, for example. Celebrities are equally ambivalent and generous, either complaining that they are bored in their mansions or donating millions to hospitals for PPE (Rihanna) or bringing hospital employees lunch (Lizzo). Some companies are continuing to pay their employees while they have cut hours or giving them extra paid sick leave, while others ignore the plight of their employees not even giving them PPE or hazard pay though they are making twice as much off the backs of these underpaid employees (Amazon). On the local level, dentists close up shop at a moment’s notice, barely alerting their patient’s or treat some patient’s as special ignoring the CDC while holding other’s to that standard. However, we are all just surviving. We are all, I think, doing our best in a bad situation and bad situations reveal our character. Some people rise to the occasion while others simply do not. We all need grace and accountability and it’s still my hope that people will rise.

Staying Home for COVID-19

March 27, 2020

Happy Quarantine! Our county issued a “stay at home” order yesterday. It’s nothing new to what we’ve already been doing, but I don’t like being told what to do. I like it to be my idea, so before I was okay with staying home and now I’m like, “can’t make me”. It will pass hopefully as we settle into the new normal in hopes that our hard work of staying home pays off and this virus becomes less of a threat.

We’ve had a pretty good couple of weeks as far as setting up a structure and sticking to it. I’m not a rigid scheduler, so we just had blocks of time to adhere to, although Lorelei is ever the time keeper. Here is what we had planned:

8a-10a Breakfast and free time

10a-11a Creative time

11a-12ishp School time

12p – 1p Lunch

1p – 2p Family time

2p – 3p School time

3p – 4p Quiet time

4p – 6p Free time

In between all of that is cleaning and chores as well as appointments and errands. It’s pretty fluid which drives Lorelei and Jason, who is working from home now a little bit insane. Creative time, family time and school time are nonnegotiable. Creative time is exactly that, painting, coloring, making whatever. It’s their choice what they want to work on for that time period. School time is dictated by the packets we received and Google Classroom. Family time we decide together. It’s usually a game, a family movie, playing a Switch group game like Mario Party or Just Dance. We ventured outside earlier in the two week period which was fun.

We’ve learned to use Target Drive up and frequent Amazon for the things we need. We are very fortunate that Jason can work from home and I am in a place where I can quarantine-school the kids without much disruption. I’m actually enjoying it for the most part. 8th grade English was my favorite in school, so sharing that with Nora has been interesting. The dogs love having everyone home. My only sadness is that Jason and I had a lovely mountain retreat planned for our 10 year wedding anniversary. We had a couples massage scheduled in this beautiful spa at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville. It was going to be amazing. However, if that’s our only sacrifice it’s nothing compared to what others are going through.

I’m trying to stay positive. I do creative time as well and take breaks from social media. I try to follow positive accounts, but read daily the news reports and post in Instagram stories cute, funny and beautiful things. I’m still in school, but am finding it hard to stay committed to something that seems trivial and archaic.

It seems trivial, but all of these things make me just a little bit happier in all this mess. I find myself spending most of the day tending to the children and their needs. I try my best to stay present for them, to play with them and keep the day going in hopes that this time is not seen as a tragedy or something they have to endure. I hope they see us adapt and not overreact to the limits placed on our lives right now. I do my nails or a face mask taking 30 minutes to concentrate on myself. Even cleaning my brushes makes me feel better about doing one small thing to improve my little corner of the world. The quiet time during the day is for my sanity as well! It could look very different for you. We are not without fights, arguments or frustrations. I acknowledge that there is two more months at the very least that we’ll be adjusting and doing things differently. We might all be vegetarians at that point since meat is scarce. We will get through it though, and of course we will have bad days, but hopefully we will stay safe and well. That is my wish for you and yours.

Life in Gastonia

October 3, 2019

We’ve been in Gastonia, a town near Charlotte, for 6 weeks now. In a way it seems we’ve always lived here and in other ways it has that feeling of being new and old at the same time. Thankfully, it hasn’t been as much of a shock as our move to Franklin in 2011. I attribute that to gaining more opportunities rather than losing and acclimating to an entirely different lifestyle that is going from a city of 100,000 people to a town of 3,000, one Walmart and zero Starbucks. We’re returning to what’s familiar.

The kids have great schools and they really enjoy going. Noah is taking Math, Biology, Creative Writing and German I this first semester. Nora has the typical 7th grade classes, but they also have something they call Clusters which for her this semester is line dancing.

I got to bust out the Electric Slide for her last night because she doesn’t even know what line dancing entails!! “Alexa, play the electric slide…” Hilarity ensued, but I know she’s gonna enjoy it especially when her whole group gets into it. They ride three different buses as opposed to one bus all together and I think Henry and Lorelei are enjoying being at the same school and riding the bus together without their older siblings watching over them.

The icing on the cake is how close everything is for school and work. The kids get up and on the bus later and get home earlier. If I need to pick them up or drop them off, the schools are maybe 5 minutes away. Jason’s work is farther, but not nearly the 1.5 hours over the mountain both ways.

Jason seems to be settling in at his new job. It’s a laid back office atmosphere and he likes his co-workers. Living that suburban lifestyle is definitely a big change and we miss the mountains. Thankfully, we get to visit and perhaps once our house sells there we can look into buying a small two bedroom to slowly renovate and retire there. One can dream.

It’s been a change for the animals as well. The cats were inside for a few days The dogs don’t get to run around the yard while we are outside like they did in Franklin. I may look at getting a lead for them, but for now they have a small backyard to run around in and the walking trails are nice in the neighborhood. It is so much hotter here. It reminds me of Florida in the way that it is sunshine every day, which I love, but it rained a lot more in Franklin and we haven’t started to see leaves changing yet.

We have discovered a small used bookstore, the cotton candy factory, a local dog park and I found the post office yesterday. Making this move has definitely united us more as a family and stretched and strengthened us. Hoping to check out the local library this week as well.

The Next Adventure

June 21, 2019

We’re moving to Charlotte, NC. I can finally say that with finality instead of talking vaguely about maybes and we’ll sees. It started a couple of months ago with the acquisition of Mission Health System by HCA. We’d been through one before, so we weren’t too worried until we found out that HCA does their IT construction very differently and Jason’s job would likely be eliminated. Another possible job popped up that would decrease Jason’s commute to Asheville while also being a bit of a promotion and for a while it looked like he had a chance, but we also recently found out that HCA has a different way of doing interview and selection, as in they don’t do it at all.

Jason began looking for other positions. He started in Franklin which produced no results, he looked in Asheville even though it costs double to live there and he honestly doesn’t love the city and there wasn’t much. We had hoped he could find something remote, but his skills aren’t specialized enough for that. It became apparent that he would have to search outside of our 100 mile radius for a position. We still held out hope that something would come open allowing us to stay comfortably in our own home and not have to make anymore changes, but then I came back from a girls weekend with him unable to leave the bed without excruciating pain.

Jason had been having sciatica pain in his leg for a few weeks and started going to the chiropractor to alleviate it, so we didn’t think anything catastrophic had happened. By that evening however, it was clear a trip to the ER was imminent. The poor guy had to crawl to the car in order for me to drive him. He was in pain, but we had no idea that once we got to the ER and they did an MRI that it would produce a result of herniated disc. That’s the goo between your spinal disc oozing out onto your nerves and pretty much making life hell. They gave him the good pain meds and he started physical therapy a few days later to see if it would heal and he’d be able to avoid surgery. He’s a great patient and did his daily exercises while continuing to drive to Asheville 3-5 times a week. This lasted a couple of weeks with a few more episodes of not being able to get out of bed until the last time that we almost had to go back to the ER. That was the last straw and he called the doctor about surgery. Miraculously they had a cancellation for the next day and he was able to get in and get it done.

While all of that was happening, he began interviewing with a company that does nurse call (the technology that allows you to push a button while in a hospital room and page a nurse). Jason has only ever gone to one conference to learn one thing in all of his career and it was about nurse call, so he’s definitely interested. He had three interviews that were a week or two apart and we took a trip to Charlotte for the second one and to see if we even liked it there or could imagine our family living there. It’s about 5 degrees hotter and so developed that every house looks the same and some places don’t even have trees, but it wasn’t bad. The roads/highways were easy to navigate and the drivers drove well (I’m looking at you Atlanta) It’s a large city, the largest in North Carolina, with over 800,000 people, but it didn’t feel crowded (I’m looking at you Orlando). With that being said, we’re also looking at settling in Gastonia which is a smaller city close to Charlotte (76,000 people) and an easy commute to his new job.

Since he was likely putting in his notice, I took the opportunity to get my wisdom teeth out before we had to start all over again with insurance. I don’t know if you know this, but getting your wisdom teeth extracted after about age 25 is not easy. It’s a little dangerous because your body doesn’t heal as quickly and your bones have solidified them. I don’t think they take them out after age 40 unless it’s an emergency. They’ve bothered me for years, and my dentist told me at every 6 month appointment to get them out, so they wouldn’t cause problems down the road. I bit the bullet (or the gauze in this case) and got them extracted. The procedure was quick and simple and not as painful as I thought. I had a traumatic experience when I was younger when a dentist extracted one of my impacted wisdom teeth without putting me to sleep which is why it took me so long to agree to get the other three taken out. All of that drama with Jason’s back and the surgery happened on day 2, 3 and 4 of recovery. I’m thankful for my mom who took care of the kiddos while Jason was in the hospital and for the nurses at Mission who took care of Jason because that allowed me to get some sleep and take my actual pain medicine instead of limping along on ibuprofen. I’m still not 100%, but slowly improving while the holes fill in and the pain subsides. (All that to say, you can still get your wisdom teeth extracted at 38, but it ain’t a walk in the park!)

The last few weeks Jason has improved enough that he was cleared to attend our pre-planned vacation to Orlando to drop the Bigs off. We went by plane because a 12 hour drive to Florida was out of the question. It was Henry and Lorelei’s first ever plane ride and it was so exciting. The procedure Jason had was very simple, he has a small scar on his lower back, but is doing so much better now! He’s easing off pain meds and although he can’t go running or twist, bend, lift like he used to, he’s not laid up in bed all day either. It has definitely effected our lives to the point that he can no longer commute and changes must be made.

We are sad to leave a few family members here in Franklin, our beautiful house (though we hoped to downsize a little bit) and our comfortable lifestyle, but we are most definitely getting pushed to grow and we accept the challenge.

The First Year with Copper

March 25, 2019

We’ve had Copper for about a year. We’ve had Chip for almost 4 years and he’s a really great dog, but not what I would call cuddly. He’s like a cat, indifferent, but cute. He doesn’t like to go places, he pukes in the car and is very stubborn. Jason and I were looking for another dog to add to our already crazy family, nothing too big with more hair and slightly higher energy.

We looked at several breeds and breeders. We are not “adopt don’t shop” people, with so many stipulations we can’t just get whatever and hope for the best. I’m not saying one is better than the other either, we don’t get them because they are purebred, we get them for how they are bred and raised. Anyway. He was such an adorable little fluffball, but he cried and screamed like a banshee! It was excruciating.

We quickly learned that this dog was extremely needy. Which is both good and bad. It’s good because he wants to cuddle you. He will hop on the chair or bed and literally sit on you or lean and lay on you. He’s very loving, such a cuddlebug. It’s also bad because of all of those things and he’ll lick you to death! We’ve had to establish clear boundaries and assert our alpha with Copper. With Chip, he’s so sweet you look at him wrong and he’ll go find a friendlier person to protect him. We have to shove Copper away and give direct commands. He’s such a sausage you can’t be soft with him. It helped a lot to watch Alpha, actually. Ha!

He’s house trained, listens well and we love him to pieces, but it’s definitely a love/hate! He’s so sweet, but chews up everything!! Anything he can find he’ll chew up. My llama Jason got me wasn’t even safe. Expensive things! Hiking boots! Electronics! LOL dolls!

He herds. That is definitely the breed, but Chippy doesn’t need to be herded. If we go out of his sight when we’re out in town or on a hike he goes into banshee mode. He needs a walk every day. What he really needs is a job. A farm to run around on or something without chickens. He’s killed one of our chickens even though we trained him to herd, find or leave them alone. He just got bored.

Now that I am home everyday, we’ve been refining his skills. He’s a good dog, he really is, he just takes a lot of work! I’m able to walk him more often. We’ve been working on the command, Leave It. When he tries to herd Chippy, I’ve told him to Leave It and he is, it just takes time and consistency. He has really improved this last week or two. He gets some slow treat toys or peanut butter in the kong while I’m working on stuff and can’t pay attention to him. We’re adapting. We had been putting feelers out about finding him a different home wth no luck. If we are doing our best and he still needs more, then he needs to be in a different family. No one is able to take him and secretly I’m glad. He’s a stinker, but he’s my stinker.

What I Learned From My First Big Girl Job

March 20, 2019

That’s right, learned, as in past tense. I’ve recently left the county. I put my notice in and due to a toxic environment left earlier than expected. Lets just say people show their true colors when you stop playing their games.

I was so very naive when I started the job. I thought if you work hard it would be all cupcakes and rainbows. Unfortunately, you gotta have a lot more tools in your tool box than that in order to flourish.

Here’s what I learned:

I’m self motivated. I sincerely did not know this about myself and it was one of the reasons I started looking for a job. I thought I needed someone to tell me what to do in order to stick to a schedule or plan. It turns out I don’t. I got almost zero supervision and direction during my time there and did exceptionally well with what was first expected of me.
I need to work on receiving constructive criticism. Or maybe I need to learn to take bad criticism? Not all supervisors are equipped to give constructive feedback and I recognize that I can take things personally and need to bypass the hurt feelings and ask more questions.
I want to be there for my children. This year has kicked our ass when it comes to sickness. I think my kiddos have been more sick than they ever have in their entire lifetimes combined this year. I attribute this to stress, poor nutrition due to convenience and limited time constraints and shitty weather. (Has it finally stopped raining??) When they’re sick, I want to be able to take the time off necessary to get them well without having to feel guilty all around.
I don’t give a crap about appearances. But others do. Being in leadership has a lot more to do with looking right than being right. Some people play this game better than others. At the end of the day I still want my work to speak for itself and if it doesn’t, then I need to find another position.
I have more confidence. We recently went to a wedding and I was surprised at my comfort level with speaking with anyone in the room. I look people in the eye and say “Good Morning!” command respect and give respect. As a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM) for 7 years I lost myself a little bit and doubted my abilities. My time with the County gave me experience and confidence in myself and pushed me to be better. I will forever be grateful for that.
I’m really lucky. I say that because I didn’t have to stay in an environment that I didn’t enjoy and couldn’t see myself in for very long. There were some really great people there that I’m going to miss and there were some turds. I’m sure that’s true for any work environment. Thankfully, I had a choice in whether to stay or go.

Sitting at Ingles after yoga one morning doing homework

I’m really happy being a SAHM for now. I have applied for a few positions, but haven’t heard anything yet and I’m okay with taking a little break. I don’t have any regrets because I learned a lot and will use these valuable lessons in the future. I now have more time for school (yep, still getting that HR degree!) and when the kiddos are sick, the dog has to go to the vet or the kids have doctor or dentist appointments, I’m available. That might not seem like a big deal to some, but it is to me. In the end, it made me a better SAHM. Imagine that.

Starting Fresh

January 16, 2019

I’m ambitious this semester with three classes. Now that I’ve got a handle on what grad school looks like and the expectations I feel better prepared and I do NOT want to drag this degree out for three years. I’m excited about my classes! I’m getting into the nitty gritty of Human Resources and there are some legit HR people I’ll get to work with, so I’m looking forward to hearing from their perspectives. Also, my teachers this semester seem pretty cool.

To prep, I got a new smaller backpack to hold a book or two and my awesome Surface Go. I literally walk into the office with three different bags, my lunchbox and my coffee every morning. It’s ridiculous. My purse, of course, my school bag and now my gym bag! I use an access card to get in the door, so that makes it even more fun juggling everything! At least they’re cute bags…I tell myself as I try not to drop everything. I also got a small weekly whiteboard to keep me focused and organized with what I should be working on that week. Can’t be in denial if it’s right in my face! I will be doing a ton of reading and writing this semester, but NO VIDEOS. So happy about that.

I’ve been pretty consistent about going to the gym. There is a small window between getting off of work and picking up the kids where I can workout and I attend a group session once a week to keep me motivated and hang with likeminded folk. Last week there were too many appts and Jason wasn’t able to grab the kiddos for me, so I managed to attend a yoga class which was thoroughly enjoyable. Working out is keeping me sane. Even if it’s just 20 minutes of cardio, my body and brain are much happier for it.

I’m trying to capitalize on this get r dun energy and set myself up for success. The last thing we decided to do was get some cleaning help. We’re perfectly capable of cleaning our house. It’s not squeaky clean by any means, but we can maintain our household. However, I spend more time cleaning than relaxing and with being in school again, something has to give. We have a friend of a friend coming over this evening to give us a quote on a once a week, hit the big stuff, cleaning. If she can sweep and mop, vacuum and clean our bathroom that’s hours I can devote to homework, family time or recuperation from a tough week. I’m finding that choosing where to devote time is a make or break decision. It’s kind of funny having to hire multiple people to do the job I was doing as a stay at home mom. Cleaning, after school and holiday care, dog walker etc. I love working, but at some point I start to wonder if it makes sense monetarily. This is an investment in our future…I tell myself as I fork over money to someone else to do things I used to do for free.

I’ve finally figured out how this working full-time things actually plays out. I really struggled with being at work when my work was completed. Why am I here if I technically don’t have anything to do. I’m wasting my time, your time and money. Apparently, that’s okay. Downtime is built into the day. I had to shift my focus from an hourly employee watching the clock, to a salary employee who’s paid to get a job done and be available for anything that comes up. I’ve also learned what to do with that downtime and incorporate it into a bigger picture, one that is less rigid and more relaxed. I didn’t necessarily change my work ethic, just how I view how my time is spent. It’s been a game changer.

Except for today when Henry is sick and I’m home for a few hours. At least I get to blog a little and cuddle my puppers.

Happy New Year

January 3, 2019

New year, new goals. Each year I choose a word to manifest what I’d like to do/work on or accomplish in many avenues. This year my word is balance. I’ve been working really hard to obtain things the last few years; my degree, a job, self-discipline, but now it’s time to maintain and the only way I can do that is by learning to balance work/life home/health social/solitude, all the things.

Christmas was pretty quiet. This is the year that Noah and Nora go to their dad’s house for Christmas Day, so it was just Jason and I and the littles. Grandma came by as well and Uncle Bobby for a bit to take a walk with the doggos, but that was all of the excitement.

What was different this year is Noah is now an adult according to the airlines and can fly with a minor (Nora). Instead of doing that horrid drive 5 hours and meet halfway and then 5 hours back, we only needed to drive 3 twice to take them to the airport and they were in Florida in a little over an hour. Noah has flown a couple times before, but this was Nora’s first time. It was a little scary of course, but worth it to them.

Jason was able to get our guest bathroom redone while the Bigs were in Florida. The floor floats a bit, so the tile that was laid when the house was built had begun to break up and become unstable. Jason took the opportunity to relay something different. We had planned on doing just a sheet of linoleum, but the choices were pretty sad and we didn’t need twelve feet, so we went with a “luxury vinyl” that laid like tile and spaced it for grout. It turned out fantastic!

I’m a little jelly, actually, and contemplating what other projects Jason can do next year. Ha! We also got some painting done. Last Christmas Jason built Henry’s room, so he’s lived with half painted walls and bare drywall for a year. We painted Henry’s room, the hallway and Lorelei’s room too. She’s been living with neon orange walls for about the same time, but she now has a medium pink that she picked out herself and some adorable curtains to match. It seems to have lit a fire in Jason and he may just finish a few other projects without my prodding!

I start my next semester of school in 11 days. I am relishing this time where I can play games, watch movies and read! I’ve committed to 3 classes and the goal of graduating in May 2020. I’ve also already committed to a meditation workshop, one day yoga retreat and have started back at the gym with the most adorable trainer. Her nickname should be bubbles. Working full-time is hard, yo. Even if the job is part of the dream goals. Happy New Year!