Life and Loves

Learning to Live Life with a Full Heart

Masklophobia

I may have gone to Disney as a child, but I don’t remember any of it. I think I went with a friend when I was five because I have a memory of a picture of us there, but again, no memory of that trip. My mascot for high school was a ship. Go Dreadnaughts! If we went to a theme park, it was Busch Gardens or Cypress Gardens, not a lot of full-bodied costumes going on there.

So when we went to Legoland a couple of years ago, I was surprised by my reaction to Emmett and Wyldstyle as we got our family picture taken with them.

In my mind I realized that there were people in those character costumes and had a mini meltdown on the inside. We moved along and I didn’t think much on it. We didn’t see any more characters after that and it was whatevs.

I wanna say that trip was 5 years ago. Last year we went to a major fundraiser for the little’s school and lo and behold, they have a mascot. It’s an adorable wolf with a pink bow in her hair. I think her name is Ivey. I saw her around briefly, but at the end of the night as we were making our way out the doors, she was standing by them saying goodbye to all of the kids. Adorable, right? I see Ivey and am sortof “on alert”, but not freaking out, just leaving the fundraiser, nbd. Until she approaches Henry whom I am walking with out the door. OMG. I freaked. I could not control my reaction which was get the crap away as quickly as possible. I shoved Henry, my then 4 year old, out of the way and hurried through the doors. Thankfully, Jason was behind us with the rest of the kiddos and acted normally while I waited for them to say their goodbyes.

I then started researching if being afraid of mascots was a thing and it is a thing! “Masklaphobia is the fear of people in masks and costumes such as mascots, full-bodied costumed characters, masquerade costumes and Halloween costumes.” (phobia.wikia.com) I’m down with regular masks. If a person has a face mask on, but I can see the rest of their body, I’m totally cool with that. If I can’t see your body and you are full enveloped, don’t come near me. I have enough rationale to deal with the mascot being —->>> over there, although I am on HIGH alert. We do plan on taking a Disney trip at some point soon, so that should be a lot of fun.

Jason took a picture of me freaking out last night and I find it hilarious now, but in the midst of that scary wolf person trying to make me five him, he actually poked me!! I cannot even describe to you the relief of the wolf walking away from me. I did read that fear of mascots and masks in kids is a developmental thing. Eventually kids realize that the wolf isn’t a bad guy and all that. This is different. I know he’s not bad, but I still freak out. I could actually go to therapy for this! There are ways to work on this fear. It just seems so silly! If kids persist in being scared, though in a crying freak out way, they could have maskaphobia or masklophobia. (That’s my PSA for the day). Go Wolves! …away…far away…

3 Green Products Worth your Money

I have sensitive skin. I always have, my daughter has sensitive skin as well and I try to be health conscious. Two things I’ve done for the past ten or so years is read labels and choose wisely meaning I’m realistic about my purchases. For cleaning products, I want plant based and simple. I use vinegar, essential oils and water to mop my floors, greenworks and I are buds. The thing is, if I’m gonna spend my money on it, it has to work AND be at least less harmful than let’s say- bleach. I tried Seventh Generation dishsoap the free and clear kind a while ago and it was like washing with water. Nope.

When it comes to food, I definitely have to choose the lesser of two evils. Oy, that sounds harsh. Here’s an example: fruit snacks. The kids LOVE fruit snacks, or as I like to call them, corn syrup balls because that’s the first ingredient on 90% of fruit snack packages. The only kind I’ve been able to find that starts with some sort of fruit puree is Welch’s fruit snacks. Don’t get me wrong, these are not a healthy snack by any means, but slightly better than corn syrup balls. They are also convenient and not a perishable item, so good for Summer Camp. I used to buy all organic, but just because it’s organic doesn’t mean it’s a healthy choice.

The last product I’ve tackled in trying to go green is makeup. I’ve been an avid user of Honeybee Gardens mineral pressed powder for years. It’s my favorite as far as powders, but lately I’ve needed something with a little more coverage. I’ve also tried their lipstick and mascara, but was not impressed. I follow a couple of beauty bloggers, one of them is Whoorl, but her budget is much higher than mine! I have to pick and choose what’s for me or find alternatives to what she recommends. It’s great information though. I also enjoy following Citrine Natural Beauty Bar on Insta @citrinebeautyaz. They do a lot of tutorials and demonstrations, so you can see the products in use in their stories. High end makeup is definitely worth it, but not if it breaks the bank. Here are three products under $30 that I am loving:


(I got these images 1, 2, 3, 4, from the interwebs.)

First, One Love Organics Easy Does It Foaming Cleanser. I was skeptical at first, like I said, I have very sensitive skin, especially my eyes. This cleanser is the first cleanser I’ve used to wash my eye makeup off. It is so gentle! It actually removes almost all of the eye makeup, which means I’m not scrubbing with a cotton pad and makeup remover. That eye area is delicate, yo. Worth it.

The second product I’ve fallen in love with is Grande mascara. It sounds like you are ordering a Starbucks drink, but this mascara is amazing. Regular mascara (read: covergirl) irritates my eyes, meaning I’m rubbing them constantly and developing styes, so I stay away from the lower end mascaras. I have used Almay’s conditioning mascara for a few years, which doesn’t irritate my eyes as much, but is so clumpy. I had planned to try Jane Iredale’s purelash mascara, but when I went to get my mother’s day massage, the girl at Fusion’s talked me into trying the Grande instead. So glad I did. This mascara is again- so gentle. It’s definitely lengthening, but not only that it is not clumpy or flaky and for me is nonirritating. #win

The last product I want to share with you is W3ll People’s foundation stick. At first I was like, “ew..a foundation stick??” I love it. I swipe it a few times over my clean face and then blend with a makeup sponge. It is light, but has coverage. I have heard it isn’t great for oily skin, though. Mine is more dry, so it works for me. I also use their concealer, which I like, but combined doesn’t work well with my mineral powder. I plan to try their skin brightening powder next, to set both the concealer and foundation. I will let you know how I like it! I bought all the W3ll people items at Target. I am an online shopper for sure, but it’s nice to hold things in your hand, especially makeup.

As a bonus, there is a shampoo and conditioner I have been loving. It’s expensive, but for thick, difficult hair like mine it is a godsend. Marula Oil rare oil replenishing shampoo by Paul Mitchell. I’ve also tried their Super Skinny shampoo (not a fan) and the awapuhi wild ginger shampoo and conditioner which I like, but is more for middle of the road hair, like Nora’s hair not too thick, not too wild. I wash every other day and use a shampoo I like in between (Maui) that maintains cleanliness for a much cheaper price, but is still gentle.

I hope these help if you’re in the market for a new cleanser, mascara or foundation, but have sensitive skin, like me. Happy Sunday!

Henry’s Birthday

Birthday number 5. I almost can’t believe I made it here. When the kids are little and you are in the trenches, not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel full of diapers and baby wearing or toddler lunches you dream of that day when they all go to school! It is finally happening.

Here are some pics from that day:

We did end up inviting the cousins over and playing those old school games and it was really fun. The egg game was a lot easier than I remember it being (balancing the spoon and racing to the finish line). Maybe kids these fays are a lot more daring? Popping the balloons was the most hilarious especially considering some of the kiddos are just too light to pop them! They ended up rolling around on the balloon like when you try to get on a floaty when you’re already in the water.

Henry got a ton of Paw Patrol stuff and still wants more. I swear it is his mission to have all things Paw Patrol. He tried to talk me into a baby sun hat the other day!

After the party we went to see Incredibles 2. Cousins too! I just love that they are growing up together. This is probably the first movie Henry has ever sat through from beginning to end. He did bring a small toy into the theater, which I’m sure the adults around him loved. My SIL Trisha certainly did. Lol

I’m blurry because I’m instructing my husband on how best to take this picture. Controlling much? Atleast now I can claim “expert” with my art degree. Haha! We had a great day and grandma was here too, keeping the dogs company because they love her best.

Two weeks to go before the bigs return…

Family Camping at Montreat

“Let’s go camping for your birthday, honey! Oh it’ll be great, my friend went camping at this beautiful place and it has bathrooms and a creek close by, we can totally try this whole “family camping” thing out!” -Me a few weeks ago

I generally dislike camping. There are things I really like about it, but it is utter, disorganized chaos and the avalanche of discomfort makes me a little cookoo. I loved the fire and the s’mores! I loved being in nature and hearing the creek at night. It was definitely a reprieve from our normal routine and the kids LOVED it. They had so much fun playing at the nearby playground, exploring the creek and again, s’mores. Henry decided he just likes regular marshmallows, after dropping his first s’more on the ground, in the dark, discovered as the dogs are trying to eat it!

Henry was told to grab shorts out of the dryer, but did not. One pair of shorts for three days. The dogs hated it. Copper cried/barked/howled like a banshee almost the entire time. Chip was less vocal until grandma came along and left him to play in the creek with the actual grandkids. Copper was thankfully quiet at night, but did require a walk in the wee hours. Sleeping was great. My man got me a cot (scoliosis and sleeping on the hard ground is excruciating), so that part was chill and my only requirement for making this venture.

I think our critical mistake was driving up Friday night. We got there at 830p which didn’t give us much time to put up a tent and make dinner. Especially because the grill was so rusted it broke off the pole just as Jason started to prep it. Let’s just say we had s’mores for dinner. (they are slowly replacing these at the camp sites, we just happened to be the lucky ones to experience this)

I chalk this all up to a learning experience. I’m willing to try again, probably not with the dogs. We’ll trade two dogs for two more kids. Ha! The site was really great, if you are looking for a somewhat local place to camp (Black Mountain) Montreat has some kid friendly sites available on the cheap.

We were able to celebrate Jason’s Birthday with Publix cupcakes my mom brought with her, so that was definitely a highlight. *note the chaos

Happy Birthday, Hubby! Hope this was a memorable birthday for ya!

Getting into the Groove

I finally feel like I’m adjusting. Which means pretty soon things will change again. The kids still love their summer camp. My job is starting to feel like mine and I’m taking on more responsibilities.

We are preparing to celebrate Henry’s birthday this weekend. Since we’re down two kids I’ve invited his cousins over to play. I’m thinking they’re ready for simple party games! I plan to do the balloon race where you put a balloon between your legs, race to one end of the living room, pop it and return. Maybe the egg race where you put a boiled egg on the end of your spoon and everyone races to the other side without dropping it. I’ll have to get cool prizes too.

We usually do just immediate family because there’s 6 of us and once you start inviting family members it gets out of control and you invite everyone because you don’t want to hurt feelings. It’s dumb and I refuse to play. I wonder how many other families do that? I used to do big parties, but once you hit four kids, it’s always a party, so no need to get crazy. Plus the presents. I’m not even gonna go there. I already vow to do the four presents only things for Christmas this year. Need, wear, read, want. I’ll let you know how that goes. This year the bigs go to their father’s first, so it will be a small Christmas anyway.

I almost bought a Christmas present the other day. I’m getting weirder and weirder as I get older. A present in June? It was a little thing, but seriously? It’s because I like buying presents. I like buying you presents, I like buying me presents. Ha! That’s kinda how black Friday and cyber Monday end up going. “one for me and one for you”.

I did a face mask this evening. That’s how I can tell things are settling down. You’d think I’d do them when I was crazy stressed and needed that 15 minutes of not doing anything but scaring the kids with my monster face, but no, I do it when I feel good. I also decided to go a little blonde on a bit of a whim. I’m not usually a blonde girl, but it’s been a long time since I did highlights and my hair stylists has crazy good skills, so I went for it.

I’m looking forward to decorating my new office. I hope I’ll be able to make it fun, but also inviting to whoever needs to chat or gripe or ask questions. I’m enjoying my new role and hope I do a good job once I’m truly doing it and not just helping to do it (training). Three weeks of training so far and it has been intense! One last week to solidify my knowledge and make the final transition into my big girl job. Still excited.

Manifestation

I worked hard for this, wanted it, planned for it, attained it. I’m talking about working outside of the home. I say outside because I worked my tail off at home too, some would say I worked harder. Now, being on the other side, working a full-time job, I’m mostly grateful. I am very grateful that Jason worked hard to make staying home with the kiddos an option.

I never aspired to be a stay at home mom. The mundane tasks after the baby stage made me batty. I loved being home with my newborns up until they were probably a year and a half and then I was ready to do something else, something that felt more productive, but circumstances made that seem like not the best idea. It wasn’t the best because of either childcare, local job options or my own ambition. Also, the guilt. How could I choose to put my children in childcare that took most of my earnings to pass the time when it wasn’t a career? Especially when I knew I wanted my bachelor’s degree? The last few years were spent in school and the last few months were spent working part-time and applying for what I lovingly started calling “big girl jobs”. The jobs that are super serious with serious-ish money and responsibilities.

Amazingly, an HR job became available in Franklin that fit that criteria and I applied hoping, but not really thinking I would actually get it. I have a passion for Human Resources and I start my Master’s for it in the fall, but my experience is limited. They must of liked my caution as well as my positive attitude and business sense because they hired me. I think it was Jesus. I don’t shout from the rooftops, but I recognize a shift in the universe when I see one, and this was it. I fully feel like I am where I am meant to be and it was all in his timing. There has only been one other time in my life where I felt that and it was during my divorce.

It’s been quite the first week. The bigs went to their dad’s, the little’s started full-time summer camp, and I started my big girl job. It was NOT FUN getting the littles out the door to summer camp every morning. We have not got the routine down and this particular morning pictured I had to go back home and get Henry’s lunchbox because he left it on the bench. I’m really hoping the second week will go a little more smoothly. I was worried about summer camp, but they LOVE it! They don’t want to come home when I pick them up.

We adjusted to the downtime from having two less kids and Copper is taking up a lot of it because puppy.

Oreo really misses Noah. We don’t see this cat normally. He lives in Noah’s room unless he’s outside hunting moles, but since Noah is gone, he is coming around and sometimes even wants to be petted!

I’m looking forward to work this week and have faith that we will get into the groove. I’m gonna try to enjoy the time with the littles and not miss the bigs too much. We have some weekend fun planned this summer and I should probably study for the GRE. Here’s to manifesting dreams and walking them out when they come to fruition.

What We Learned from Our First Season of Soccer

I had the brilliant idea to let the kids do soccer this Spring. It’ll be cheap! I said to my husband. It was not, btw, cheap once I purchased all the gear and paid registration for all four of my children. We have never done a sport. The kids don’t do school sports, there isn’t a rec place for the kids to play at around here, so couple that with a relatively short season and the fact that Noah is 14 and starting High School in August. We committed to soccer.

I loved it! I loved having all four of them at three different levels giving this brand new thing a go. I loved the family time we got out in the grass on the sidelines cheering for each other. I loved meeting new people and getting to see the inside of this thing called soccer. I also found the game itself to be interesting.

So, what did we learn?

Henry (U5) is four and was just old enough to play this season. He learned that soccer practice and games are looonng and if you stick around until the end, they give you snacks and a capri sun. “Will Soccer for Snacks” was his motto. Positivity was the name of the game at this age! Good job, buddy! High five! You can do it! He had fun and I hope he wants to do it next year when he is a little older and more developmentally ready to play. He got to play with his cousin Mia, so that was fun to see them twice a week as well.

Lorelei (U8) is seven and soccer is most definitely not for her. She was the most excited about taking a break. She would give me a big smile as the game started and say, “coach said I could stay out first!” She played, but she is slow to react and she also says that soccer has too much running. We learned a bit about perseverance and being a part of a team and I got to read my book during some of her games.

Nora and Noah (U13) were on the same team. Nora is eleven and Noah is 14, which is the cutoff for rec teams. This was serious soccer. It’s the last level before you have to try out for teams, so some of these kids have been playing for years. You could tell right away that they had a pretty awesome team. They only lost one game the whole season de to the best player being on a camping trip. I really loved watching their games and they played on the biggest field, so they got in a ton of cardio. There was a point in the beginning that Noah wanted to quit, which is totally what he does. He complained that the kids weren’t letting him play or listening to him (leader not follower over here…), so we had a come-to-jesus meeting and I told him flat out that we were IN IT. We had committed and there was no turning back no matter how terrible it was. I didn’t care if he stood on the field and stared at the sky, we would be doing practice twice a week and games on Saturdays. Then we talked about what he could do to improve, how he could interact with people and be a team player. I’m happy to say that he got on board and enjoyed it, but I’m doubtful that he will continue.

Once Nora joined (there was a miscommunication, so they put her on late) and showed him how to get in there and just play and do your best, he got better. She, however, was on a team of all boys. In this small of a town, they don’t have enough players to split by gender, so they play on co-ed teams. She grew a lot over the season. She was tough, she had to put up with some trash talk (a lot from her brother) and at one point mid-season, she wanted to quit. However, she needed empathy, not tough love. I listened to her rant and cry and tell me all about these stupid boys who wouldn’t pass her the ball and why was she even here?? Then, I could remind her gently that when they pass it to her she misses it or starts heading towards the wrong goal. What could she do to improve? She got back out there, focused a bit more and, though not the best player, got the ball a few times and pulled her weight.

By seasons end we were pretty done. Not because the soccer schedule itself was so difficult, but because after the last game before post season everything else in our lives picked up; graduation, new job, end of school year etc. However, Noah and Nora’s team kept going! It being the highest level of rec, their postseason tournament became pretty important. They just kept winning, so at that point we were just along for the ride. We had a game last Saturday, that we won which meant a game Sunday. The final, final game, that’s definitely-might be-final, possibly. I told people, “this is the last game” multiple times, but guess what? Sunday WAS the final game! And they won!!

It was two great final games that weekend. You could really tell that the team learned how to play well together and had developed a camaraderie which was great to be a part of especially as our introduction to soccer. After the game on Sunday, they handed out cool, legit trophies and everyone went to DQ. Small town livin’.

At that last game I talked to the president of the soccer club and plan to get involved with the board. It was a rough year administratively, so I’m hoping to help out in that area. I found out that there is a fall rec team as well. Henry may play and if I’m brave, I may coach. It may be too much to work full time and do school and coach, so we’ll see. I’m really glad we gave soccer a try this season. It definitely brought us together as a family and we all got some exercise.

Seeing What’s Left

It’s interesting what happens when you edit something out of your life. Whether it’s a habit, an item or an idea, you’re left with something. You definitely gain a new perspective and can sometimes make better choices when you sit in discontentment for a while. That was my thought when I sold my big camera. I’ve also done that with coffee, tv and marriage among other things. It has to be a conscious choice though, you can’t just let your camera sit unused for example, you have to actually sell it. Which I did.

I’m no longer in photography class where I need a camera to complete assignments and I found that my d500 was too good of a camera to justify daily snapshots with, but not good enough for commercial use. I love taking pictures, but for what end? For my personal pleasure? Am I gonna have a business? Am I gonna market myself for a specific purpose? I wasn’t sure, so I decided to sell it and see what was left. What desire was left? What yearning was left that I could not ignore? One thing I have found, I have no desire to use my d3400, so that’s on the chopping block next. If I purchase a camera, it will definitely be a full frame. That’s about all I can nail down. I’ve been using my phone for my daily picture practice and seeing the pattern of what I actually take pictures of or want to take pictures of in my daily life. I’ve only said, “man I wish I had my good camera” once and that was for a night shot, my true picture love. One picture is not enough reason to drop, at minimum, $1000 on a camera. Unless we happen to have $1000 burning a hole in our pocket (spoiler alert: we don’t). So, I’m sitting in discontentment which isn’t as disconcerting as I thought it might be, although I do feel that creativity deep inside boiling up and not being used or accessed.

Like I’ve said before, I’m in transition. It feels necessary to switch from being a student photographer to a photographer with a degree before I can move forward. But, will that be with a Nikon d610 and nifty fifty, Nikon d810 and accompanying computer upgrade, a canon 6d, canon 5d mark iii, or do I go mirrorless which is the way of the future? I don’t know, I’m not there yet, but I think I’m getting closer.

Follow my daily pictures on fb and ig @dgrebphotography

Makeup in your 30’s

I’ve been wearing makeup since I was a teenager. My mom started me off right, coincidentally, by getting into Mary Kay right around that time. I got to play with her samples and attend a few of her first classes learning how to take care of my skin as well as what colors work for my coloring.

Putting on makeup as a young girl, or even taking care of your skin when you are younger is so easy! Pick a bottle any bottle, pick a color any color for the most part. You’re not usually hiding imperfections or “saying” anything with your application process, you’re just playing. That’s where Nora is at in the process. She has been wearing makeup for a couple of years now (she’s 11). She was very interested in it and would go to friend’s houses and come back with some godawful colored lipstick and I was like- no. Here is some pale, neutral colors, perfect your age and simple to apply. Here is a flattering nude pink lipstick that doesn’t make you look like a whore. Because whether we like it or not, there is still a stigma about makeup and the impression you are giving to society. She has since gotten a little more bold with her choices, with the help of her father and Christmas presents, but she makes good choices. We’ve had some lessons on makeup applications and she knows what’s acceptable for day and night. A lot of that is probably preference, but you don’t wear a cocktail dress to lunch, just like you don’t do dark makeup for a day trip.

I went through a relearning process after I had Henry. I didn’t quite know who I was anymore, thank you pregnancy, so I went through my wardrobe and learned some new makeup techniques that better fit who I was at that time. The kids are older now, I’m different now and older as well. I’m on the downhill slide to 40 and my face shows it, thank you stress and gravity.

At this point, I’m watching tutorials again, I’m buying different products especially if they say something like, anti-aging or fine lines on them. I’m super getting into masks. I think all of that goes along with my word for the year; self-care.

The biggest change I’ve made is lipstick. I have never really worn it, though I love chapstick. I didn’t believe that my lips are my best feature, so I didn’t bother. However, as you age, you lose pigmentation in your lips and ya need a little help. I follow a chick on ig that LOVES lipstick. She obviously believes that her lips are her best feature and is always sharing new colors, so I thought, perhaps it’s time to go down this rabbit hole.

I’m definitely a more natural product user, but green beauty is expensive and I didn’t want to blow money on something without a little research first. I picked out three colors at Walmart in a brand I like and tried them out. I picked a safe neutral, a cool, bold, pink and a warm, bold pink.

The warm, bold pink turned out to be my favorite. It was the one my gut told me to pick. (you get a terrible ig pic because apparently my phone hasn’t uploaded any pictures to the cloud since August and I deleted the other pics from my camera card without uploading them *facepalm*) The cool pink is still a fun color, but definitely out of my comfort zone.

What’s even more interesting is the reactions I’ve gotten from other women. I’m not good at reading people, but they glance at my lips a few times and seem confused, or constipated I really don’t know. A lot of women my age or older seem a little uncomfortable that I’m wearing lipstick. It definitely screams “I tried today”. I took that extra step to not only put on makeup, but to put on lipstick. It could be that they’ve never seen me in lipstick, so it’s weird? Idk. I’ve had compliments on that bold, cool pink color, which is fun because it’s the scary one to wear in public. I have started noticing when other people wear lipstick too. There was a girl at school and her choice of color was so pretty, but I didn’t say anything. I wonder if we should? Should we compliment lip colors? Is that too intimate an item to compliment? Wearing lipstick definitely feels like a conscious choice still and I can’t handle it all day, but I like it. The colors are pretty and it does make me feel a little more put together.

I wanted to continue my makeup journey, so I bought some new makeup brushes and a small eye palette of different neutrals. The brushes do make a difference. I have regular brushes that suffice for putting on some eye color and blush and whatnot, but the two eyeshadow brushes I purchased are different, one has an angle and the other is more bushy for blending, so I’m able to explore different ways of applying eye color. It’s fun!

Since I’ve been on the skincare kick and doing masks and stuff, I decided to try a green beauty concealer and a cleanser that is supposed to be amazing. I’ll let you know how that goes… It’s coming in the mail.

So, the yoga is going well, the makeup stuff is going, well I’m moming and schooling to the best of my ability and we finally bought this house. Self-care check.

Here’s a list of the items I’m loving currently and the two that I’ve tried and loved or have heard great things about. Some are natural and some are not.
Charcoal mask
Kiwi Sugar Scrub
Clay Mask (This one I don’t love as much, the smell is different and it’s a little too gentle)
One Love Organics cleanser
Well People concealer The concealer I’ve been using is the Almay smart shade concealer and I like it, but I need something better.

I am obviously not a beauty blogger and my choices are likely not your choices, but I thought I’d share in case you’re looking for some stuff to try. Choosing to take 15 minutes in the evening a couple nights a week to mask has been a tangible exercise in choosing to take care of myself. It’s a nice easy goal for those of us that take care of everyone first as a rule.

Transitions

I had intended to write about how we finally bought the house we’ve been living in for more than three years, but I just feel so yuck today I thought I’d vomit here for the world to read instead.

We’ve been on a specific course for the last couple of years and it’s been slowly harder and harder until a month or two ago when all that energy dissipated. Jason had been in school and I had been going to school full-time and that’s all our brains could handle besides raising four kids and trying to keep our marriage healthy. Now, however, he’s done with school and I’m half-time with zero art classes. Who the fuck are we? I’m so serious.

We now have evenings where we can spend time together. We don’t because I’m watching Big Bang Theory and he’s piddledinking in his office, but not doing school. We do watch a movie some nights, but it’s not like we can go party or have the energy to have actual conversations after yelling at kids to go to bed for two hours after their bedtime. Henry is still in Preschool getting ready for Kindergarten in August, so I have ample time during the day to get things done, those things I’ve been ignoring because school, and what am I doing? I’m watching TV. I’m living vicariously through doctor’s residencies and sibling rivalries and totally do not enjoy when the kids come home because it is just so hard with them right now. So much attitude from tiny bodies! I’m uncomfortable in my own house because I haven’t spent much time there and have yet to develop a good routine.

I am complaining, but I know that this feeling is temporary. Much like that first week or two of Summer break where you’re relearning how to be with your kids 24/7. It’s just such an unsettling feeling to be out of place, but still in the same environment. I went to Bardo today (the art department) and saw friends and it just wasn’t the same. I’m not making anything there or entranced in the art world and no longer truly belong. The people in my Spanish class are *imitate raspberry sound here* and super adorable with their shiny knowledge of one semester of Spanish and 2-3 years left at WCU.

I am excited about graduating and excited to be graduating with friends in May, but right now things feel out of sorts. The only way through it is through it and this too shall pass and all that goodness. Sometimes, you just gotta sit in it or blog about it and acknowledge that life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns right now. And I miss my dad today, which is so weird to miss someone you didn’t really know, but it is what it is.

This is us trying to figure out the new normal. I’m not upset about having more knitters in the house.

THEME BY ECLAIR DESIGNS