Work, School, Kids, Jason, repeat. I have to say again that I will never take online classes again. Never. Yes I am competent enough to work a computer and “do” them, but I don’t enjoy them and I definitely am not engaged in the class, which is half the fun of being in college. I am not doing as well as I would like. I’d like to get A’s (of course), but it is not happening. That makes me incredibly sad.

I have been doing what I have to do and nothing that I want to do, so I skipped out on the last few hours of work yesterday and went to the movies. I couldn’t see Zombieland or Surrogates yet, because I have plans to see those with Jason. I chose to see The Invention of Lying. It is a little bit like The Truman Show, but not Jim Carey funny. They poked fun at Religion a lot, but not to the extreme like Dogma. I kinda think the subtlety was worse. It is one of those movies that rolls around in your head for a few days. The parts that were neat to me was when they would say, “Hi, how are you?” the characters said how they were doing. The movies were all nonfiction movies, like the invention of the fork or the Black Plague. There really wasn’t any creativity and no marketing what so ever. There was a bit of an alternate universe feel to the movie. It was brutally honest, but also very shallow. If you don’t like someone, you don’t have to pretend you do and risk getting to know them.

It seems to test the theory that honesty is a key ingredient in intimacy. Being brutally honest all of the time can sometimes build a wall. I’m not saying lie, lie, lie! I am saying that maybe keeping your mouth shut is the best answer. It is all very sticky feeling. Everyone is an advocate for honesty. No one chooses to be lied to, but sometimes wouldn’t we prefer to be lied to? I had an idea in my head that I am a horrible cook. I TOLD Jason the first couple of times I cooked for him to LIE to me, even if he hated it to tell me he loved it. He did (either or) and as my confidence got better, so did my cooking. I don’t always cook a delicious meal, just ask the kids, but I’m realistic about it. I guess that’s what I got out of it. There is lying and then their is realism.

Realism- 1. interest in or concern for the actual or real, as distinguished from the abstract, speculative, etc. 2. the tendency to view or represent things as they really are. I wonder if I have subscribed to the religion of realism. My understanding of God is always changing depending on the circumstance, but I have reached a level of “maturity” that I feel like I know enough. This also makes me sad. I do not know it all, but I know enough not to backslide as I have in the past. I wonder if this is what lukewarm feels like? I am not challenged except in relationships and it is a bit of a “been there, done that” feeling. I know that there are hills and valleys and wonder if I am camping out on a plateau somewhere. Even as I write this, I know that something will happen to answer my questions.