False/Practice/Crap Labor

I’ve had BH contractions for months now. The annoying tightness that lasts about 30 seconds tops and makes me exhausted even though I’m usually laying in bed or sitting on the couch when they are happening. They are usually sporadic and way far apart too. This morning was different.

I woke up to pee about 2am. Baby girl was rolling around (or so it feels like) refusing to settle and I was having the usual BH, so I lay awake for a while. Around 330a or so they started coming harder, longer and more consistently, so I began to pay attention and time them. They weren’t easy to ignore like I usually do and go back to sleep. They continued like that through me waking up Jason to tell him I might be in labor, dropping off Nora and going to the chiro and also Wal-mart to get the last few things we’ll need for the birth and the baby right away. I dozed a bit in the car and crashed when we got home from picking up Nora from school. When I woke up an hour later, the contractions were still present, but back to the minor sporadic annoyance.

We had the midwife come check and though there is softening going on and a tiny bit of dilation, it wasn’t yet time to alert the family to come on down.

It is not fun to not know when your body is gonna shoot out a kid. It feels like such a heavy responsibility to predict or guess that “it’s time”. I kinda forgot about this part. I think I had hopes that when the time came that labor would be real labor and we wouldn’t do the contractions-for-fun thing. I guess I was wrong.

The midwife calls a third baby (especially one almost five years later) a crap-shoot because you never know what they are gonna do. It could be like the first, second, or completely different from both. With Noah it was four exhausting days of contractions. With Nora labor was labor, but it hurt right away and took two hours longer than Noah. 4 days early with Noah and on my due date with Nora. This kid could go two weeks late for all we know! What the cragnog!?

I was very sad after the midwife left and the emptiness of not being in labor and the sudden realization that I could do the same thing I did with Noah was enough to send me back to bed. I don’t mind the waiting, especially since I’m not due for another week, but omg if I go the week with nightly rounds of contractions… Well, I’ll just go the week, nothing I can do about it, but the actual labor without the lovely drugs will be even more difficult than I imagine. *whine

You can probably tell that I’m still working through it. lol I’ve learned a lot about me this pregnancy. Depression and I often have a staring contest daring each to blink first. I think I spent most of my life being naive and avoiding feeling pain and loss or anything negative, choosing instead to inflict it on others in the name of “have to”. So, I’ve been learning to be sad when I am sad, work through it and give myself permission to come around to a healthy attitude. This basically sucks and isn’t easy. Thankfully I have a very understanding husband.

So that was my day. The day before was spent knocking myself out to get the house clean and organized. I’m so ready. :o)