Feelings

Though the kids have been out of school for weeks it hasn’t yet felt like Summer vacation. I guess with the move and then with Jason being home it mostly felt like an extended weekend.

This past week was Jason’s first week at work and mine at home. I have actually (technically) been a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) for a while now; I was in school and not working since January 2010, but it wasn’t until now that I started feeling like a SAHM. I attribute this to the fact that I saw Jason often and talked to him more when he owned his own business. Now that he works a regular job we seem to be becoming a typical suburban family complete with a budget and minimal communication during the day. NOT that I’m complaining! lol

By Friday I was…tired. I had to go grocery shopping and dreaded-severely- taking the kids with me. I mentioned the struggles with Noah? Magnify that by 10 when we are out in public (I will say that things are getting better). Nora, my social butterfly, gets energized by seeing people and places (just like her mama) and starts bouncing around dancing and trying to play tag with Noah and then pouting when I make her keep her hand on the cart for the rest of the shopping trip. Lorelei is a wonderful baby, but she gets restless now that she’s getting older, so a trip to get groceries is hard. It can and has been done, but I arranged with Jason to be able to go when he got off work on Friday without kids.

I also decided to pump for Lorelei and leave her home too. I rarely leave her behind, especially in the evening, but I wanted to be able to concentrate and needed to go to Bi-Lo, Wal-Mart and Ingles and dragging her into three stores seemed a bit tiring and did I mention that I was already so very tired? lol

Jason was fine with watching all three kids and doing the dinner, bed, bath routine. I also think he understood how I felt and was feeling a little guilty about the overnight camping he would be getting with Ryan (Amber’s Beau) on Saturday. I set off with MY kind of music blaring and not silly songs relishing the freedom, but an hour later I missed my baby! Ha! Isn’t that always the case? All was well when I checked in with Jason after Bi-Lo and Wal-Mart, but when I got home after Ingles Lorelei had been crying for 15 minutes straight and Jason was a little frazzled. She maybe drank an ounce of milk while I was gone and did not appreciate us trying to trick her. lol I was gone a little over 2 hours, but she acted like I had left her for days! Suffice it to say, I don’t think there is a date night in our future, at least for a few more months. I could probably pump more often and teach her to “like” the bottle, but I fear it would interfere with my supply and I would be more apt to just give her a bottle instead of nurse her. Plus, why give myself more work for just an hour or two away from her? That seems selfish to me or at least counter productive to the effort I put in to breast feeding in the first place.

Saturday morning after Jason and Ryan left to go camping I gathered the kids and set out to the front yard to pick up sticks. This yard has been very neglected. My goal, once I realized that there were even more small sticks buried under layers of leaves, was to make piles of the large sticks (or small trees and whole branches really). This was rather difficult and I was longing for an Ergo! After a while we came in for lunch and we made sure to check for ticks. While we watched a movie, Noah found a tick crawling on him. A little while later he found two more and asked me to check his head again. I did and found two ticks! I don’t know if I missed them the first time or if they made there way up there during the movie. I cannot tell you how freaked out I am about ticks. I didn’t grow up with them and I don’t like bugs in general especially ones that attach to you! I overcame my fear, grabbed the tweezers and pulled them out. Ugh. *skin crawling* It is even worse to imagine one in my own hair! I had lice as a child and then once as a teenager and I think I may have been a bit traumatized about bugs in my hair. I am still freaked and it is the next day! lol I checked Nora over again and also asked Noah to check me, but now that Jason is home I’m gonna have him check me again. My imagination has a hold of me (and Noah too) and every little normal tickle and itch could be a tick. Agghhhh! In Florida we had Mosquitoes really bad and here in North Carolina we have ticks. Just goes to show you that the grass isn’t greener on the other side there are just different bugs.

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