I had planned to post about the Aquarium trip we took. Maybe put up some nice pics, but there has been some nagging thoughts a-ponderin’ in my mind the last week or so.

Since moving in with Jason and having the kids staying with Patrick Full-time, Jason and I have developed a bit of a routine. We work together during the day if I’m not at school and I usually get home before him and make dinner. We have our chores we do to keep the household running and we are still trying to get a few things situated like the floor done in the dining room and the green couch moved out and the blue one from my apartment moved in. Pictures hung and the broken TV removed from the living room.

Most things are done out of habit. We very much enjoy each others company, but being in the same room together or talking about work isn’t really intimacy. When you have screaming kids running around or aren’t seeing each other very much, you make the time to talk about real stuff. When you have all the time in the world or see each other sooo much, there isn’t much of a need or any pressure applied to cause conflict and then there is no need for conflict resolution. It’s all peachy keen! Except it isn’t.

I feel like relationships are living things. You can’t let things get stagnant because being connected is important for other aspects of your relationship. Once you start communicating out of necessity they might as well be grunts. Pass the ketchup…whatever. Or. You start getting annoyed that that person does things that never used to bother you and a wall starts to build. Not consciously of course.

Intimacy is when we are open and vulnerable and that really doesn’t happen when you are watching 3oRock or going through daily motions; cook dinner, brush teeth, get ready for bed. Some people don’t really talk unless they are fighting, but if everything is fine then there isn’t any fighting going on! You may start picking on each other and start treating each other less tenderly with the erosion of boundaries.

Another issue is trying to stay two people when you are slowly melding into one person. Iz gotz codependency and control freak issuez. Spending this much time with one person makes me a little crazy. I have to try so hard to keep good boundaries and do things like cook dinner because I want to not because it is expected. I really do like cooking dinner for Jason, but sometimes you can do so much for a person it disables them.

Lastly, we aren’t engaged. Iz gettin’ impatient. Patiently waiting is turning into impatiently waiting. I have learned that Jason doesn’t do much unless it turns into necessity and getting married is only a necessity if someone gets pregnant and that ain’t happenin’. I guess I have known that Jason was different from the time we started getting to know each other and that was more than a year ago. The wedding is already half planned in my head and we talk about kids and when we are married and have built a house, but it is still all in the “one day” phase and we live together. So I can’t date anyone else, but I’m not married, but I’m also not having babies… Limbo people! I live in limbo.

4 thoughts on “Instead…

  1. Marriage is a good thing but don’t think a ring will change ANYTHING. People do not change, ya have to learn to accept people for who they are. Jason always had a plan and pretty much always stuck to his goals. He’s not easily persuaded.
    I’ve learned in my 29 years of marriage that my spouse is not the one who makes me happy…I do. My favorite thing to do with my spouse is to be friends first…best friends. It’s so nice to be best friends and share dreams, my dreams and his dreams cause we don’t always have the same dreams but for the most part we appreciate what each other is thinking and support each others thoughts and dreams.
    Jason has always been a very patient person, he rushes through all his TASKS but when it comes to something important he takes his sweet time. If he’s anything like his father he needs to make decisions in his head, by himself, before he will confide in you. Then he will ask your opinion, even though he has his mind made up….they just sort of want to know what you think but not that it would matter…most of the time.
    Charlie was 28 when we got married and had his first child at 29, his last child at 37.
    Just a thought….I’m no expert by no means. As much as Jason hates hearing it…he is like a clone of his father….and if he actually is a clone then he will be worth the wait, you can’t go wrong.

  2. I knew I would get some lovely advice from you, Corrine. :o) Jason is definitely worth the wait, especially if he is a clone of his father. I heard a song the other day about “good time Charlie with a Harley” can’t wait to see (almost) everyone tomorrow! You could drive down right? What is it, a ten hour drive? White water rafting possibly… :o)

  3. Iz gotz codependency and control freak issuez. Spending this much time with one person makes me a little crazy.

    That sounds like me!! Now why are you rushing marriage after you just got out of a bad one? And why would you WANT to date anyone else?

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