My goal is to come back to blogging in a year. I’ve chosen to take this time to journal more, instead of worrying about putting stuff up here more often than once a week. As I thought about what that first post might be like, I realized it would probably be a never-ending update of an entire year or a “pretend this never happened” starting where we left off debacle. My remedy is to do a monthly update of where I’m at and what I’m working on.
This month has already been very enlightening. I’ve started a Shutterfly Photobook to keep the memories of this year. It is a little bit like blogging, which cures the itch and calms my worries of not having documented this year.
At first, I was not very good at journaling. It’s like I had forgotten how, but by the end of this month it has become like second nature and has revealed many good things. I don’t know about you, but when I journal I write and write until suddenly what’s on the page is how I really feel and a solution to whatever has burdened my heart.
I mentioned that Noah has started counseling. He really likes it and so do I. He has someone who is unbiased and totally supportive and I have someone to talk with about step-parenting, chores, motherhood and anything else that comes up. It is such a relief to have the encouragement and wisdom from someone who doesn’t judge me and is only there to help our family.
I’ve always carried around with me some thoughts that are never helpful. The typical, I’m not good enough, I’m a horrible mother kind of thoughts. I mentioned this to Noah’s counselor and she was very encouraging and simply told me to repeat to myself that I am a good mom when I begin to feel that way. A kindof Mantra to carry around in my heart. I am a good mom. The funny thing is, that it worked. I may make mistakes and I may have regrets, but at the core, I am a good mom. Even if it were only partially true at the beginning, it is a belief that will encourage me to be a better mom. :o)
The kids got DSs for Christmas (*cough* from Patrick *cough*). Now, if you can remember, we got rid of the Wii a while ago (best decision ever) and I was seriously NOT excited about this gift, but I also knew they would love them and we would have to set rules and limits. It has actually been really good. Surprisingly! At first when trying to set limits, Noah would steal back his DS or steal Nora’s or hide it under his pillow to play at night, but we stayed consistent to our Family Rules and he is getting it. He knows that if he, for instance, turns the DS in at 730p (30 minutes before bedtime) and doesn’t steal it later, he can play it the next day- if his chores are done. Moderation! Responsibility! Happy mommy! Happy kids!
The deeper struggles that I have are taking a little longer to work out. Hey, everything can’t be solved in a month, right? Jason and I are reading a book, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman . It is more for couples who have been married for a long time and are having a little (or a lot!) of trouble, but it has us talking and learning, which I love. I’ve also read The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey and it is a really good book! The core value of the book is, “live like no one else, so that later you can live like no one else”. That may sound silly, but it sure makes driving a Kia everyday and purposefully having one car for the time being seem brilliant. We looked up our yearly credit report and went through the paperwork from closing Jason’s business, so now we have a clear perspective financially. We are learning to live within Jason’s paycheck and to save (still working on that last part, actually). There may be some changes to the hospital come June due to an integration of the IT department with another hospital, so we need to be prepared.
That’s where I’m at in all of this and continuing to journal and read. I’ve been researching chickens and gardening and we have Lorelei’s 1st birthday coming up, so I’ll see you at the end of February with another update.