The kids went to their dad’s this past month. He picked them up on his way to PA because he and his family were moving there. We decided that Nora would stay a few weeks as planned, but for Noah to stay there for the upcoming school year.
The decision to let Noah live with his Father was a difficult one. Noah loves his dad and has always wanted to live with him. When Patrick and I separated, more than four years ago, I took the kids because I was the most stable parent (in all sense of the word). Until this past year Patrick and I were unable to speak without it ending in a fight. I’m happy to say that even though Patrick is still Patrick he has thankfully mellowed out a lot and we have an amicable relationship now.
I hoped that I would be able to show Noah how good it is in life to be stable. How nice it is to live in the same house for more than a couple of months and to have the same job much longer. I hoped to show him what a healthy relationship looks like and mend mine and his as well. I wanted to give him safety and security. I am proud to say that I did all of those things. Even with our move to NC I showed him how to do it well and not hastily moving in with family or friends and depending on them to feed and clothe you for the duration of your stay. Even with all of that, he still missed his dad and wanted to live with him. He stopped asking, but it showed in his behavior and disregard for our rules and values. I came to understand that Noah didn’t necessarily need that stability and that keeping him with us was only delaying the inevitable. I went back and forth with the decision for a year or so while also taking Noah to counseling sessions with the goal of helping him heal from the divorce and the events afterward. In order to teach a child there needs to be a connection. Although I love Noah, I do not understand him and I knew in my heart that some of the things he said or did were simply part of his personality and our trying to teach him our way was actually hurting him. In a perfect world the two halves that made him would be able to work together both accepting him and teaching him how to do life. I had to concede that although I am still the more stable parent, Noah needs his father.
Nora, however, is the opposite. She was very young when Patrick and I separated and he wasn’t around much since, so her home is with me. She enjoys seeing him for a short time and will very much miss Noah, but life is not perfect and a choice had to be made. Perhaps one day she’ll choose to live with her father and we will cross that bridge when we get there. Noah may decide to return and we’ll cross that bridge as well (although, I doubt it). He is having a great time with his dad. They’ve gone fishing a few times, built a fort in the big back yard where they are staying. He is spending time with his grandfather building birdhouses, surrounded by people that love and accept him. I can see that his heart is full and he is happy when we talk with him on Skype. So far, so good. Hopefully, what we have taught him stays with him and he makes the best of both worlds.
While the kids were gone Jason and I did a lot of renovations to the house. We made Nora’s room a playroom and took down the wallpaper and replaced the tile in the kid’s bathroom.
We have since moved the girls in together, more on that next month!
This month flew by! I can’t believe it is already August. Nora starts school next week, if you can believe it, so I’m sure I’ll have lots to tell you in the next update. Is it Fall yet?