It’s hard to be realistic when what you want to be true just isn’t. I’ve stayed home for the most part with two other children as they became two and three years old, so when Jason and I decided to have kids I told him I wasn’t good at this staying home stuff. I knew I could give it a solid year without complaint, but anything after that was unsettled. I don’t think he believed me. He envisioned me loving it so much I stayed home with the kids until they started Kindergarten. The first and second year with Lorelei was great, but as she approached her second birthday things began to unravel a bit. She wanted to play more and more, became more demanding and I wanted just five minutes of adult thinking time without whining and crying in the background or to work uninterrupted on a project.
There are things I want to do still, but number four is on his way, so those things have gladly been tabled. I mentioned to Jason that preschool for Lorelei would be a good idea. There is a Christian Academy here that does half days two times a week minimum and after looking at the budget we decided to try it. At first, checking in with myself about the idea, I was hesitant to let her go, but then I felt relieved. It’s hard to realize that I’m not that mom. It’s hard to let the guilt go and figure out what I need while taking care of others. I wonder, though, who really is “that mom”? That mom who is perfect in every way and enjoys staying home and doing crafts all day, who never loses her temper or wishes she was doing something entirely different that morning. I think maybe we made her up and if we offered all the moms a break from mommyhood for a couple of hours twice a week, some would gladly take it. Lorelei being in preschool offers a balance. She gets new toys and time to play outside and I get time to do the things I want and need to get done without having to take the time away from her while she’s at home.
Twice a week, Jason drops her off on the way to work and I pick her up at 12p. She is given lunch at 1130a and gets to play outside on the just-her-size playground. The first day I picked her up I asked her if she had fun and made friends. She said “yeah”, which is her amenable personality, but then after we got in the car and were on our way home she exclaimed, “Had fun! Slides!”, so I was happy to hear that. It’s been a little crazy this month, with a snow day thrown in there, but she is transitioning well. At this point she is realizing that this is the new routine and is resisting it a little bit, but the director told us that would happen. She also said there would be a period of peeling her off of us and giving her to her teacher and dashing out the door until she settled in, which would take about a month since she only goes half days twice a week.
For me, it’s been great. The first day I didn’t quite know what to do with myself, but I transitioned easily. ;o) I’m finding that I enjoy the quiet and am developing a routine at home and am freed up for appointments. We were able to go see our accountant without bringing a two year old along and I’m set up to do my two-hour glucose test soon. I’ll be making the appointment for Nora to do her allergy skintest too. I haven’t been able to do that because Lorelei can’t be with me and Lorelei is always with me. The funny thing is, I miss her on those mornings. The great thing is, she’s in preschool just enough that I enjoy being home the rest of the week. I feel refreshed enough to stay home with her without wishing I was working or in school and can devote that time to her and the house without feeling trapped.
I am so grateful that I can stay home and even more grateful that we can afford preschool and that Jason is willing to compromise.
*Pics from our recent Shortline Hike*