S adly, I have no one to talk to about this. I went to my midwife appt this morning. It is my second appt there, besides the orientation. I’m having doubts. The whole “natural childbirth” thing is great. I believe in what they say about it, I have heard birth stories supporting these theories and the horror stories about 50% c-section rates at hospitals nowadays. I feel well informed.

I fainted the other day, which is pretty normal for me, and the midwife “on-call” didn’t get back to us. When Jason called her for the 4th time a couple of hours later she acted perturbed for being disturbed. What if I was dying?? I had her today for my appt and I didn’t like her (surprise, surprise). Most of the ladies I’ve met (besides the student) are very stern. Administratively, they make mistakes left and right. Now, I know that administration has nothing to do with birthing babies, but it doesn’t help me to trust them very well. I’m having doubts. Maybe I LIKE doctors. Maybe I WANT drugs. Hmm? Isn’t that MY prerogative since I’m the one having to push this baby out!? :o(

People I have talked to rave about their experience at Labor of Love, but I’m not sure it is right for me. I thought that I would feel good or somehow “right” during my visits, but it doesn’t. I’m uncomfortable. Sigh. I want the best of both worlds and I’m not going to get it. I’m freaking out a little. Jason isn’t helping because I got him all hyped up about a natural childbirth and now I’m betraying him for possibly changing my mind. I feel crazy. Pregnancy makes you crazy. I’m going to school now…

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