Noah has been with his dad now for about six months. During that time things have seemed temporary while we adjusted to the new dynamics of family life without him. An opportunity has recently come up for Noah to return to North Carolina, but he has chosen to stay with his father. This has made the situation feel permanent. It is difficult to let him go, but that’s what I must do. Noah will always be a part of our family as a whole, but right now our family unit is Jason, Nora, Lorelei, me and soon this new baby.
Over the last few weeks I’ve sensed a change in our family as it is now. We have relaxed around each other more. When Noah was here it was high stress almost constantly. It felt like a battle everyday, trying to teach him to become responsible, keep him out of trouble and on the right path. We had fun and spent time together, but there was always an edge to it. I know that it is different with Patrick. Patrick understands Noah like I understand Nora. Their time together is peaceful and he handles Noah’s misbehavior well. I am grateful that Noah has a place with Patrick and his family where he can be himself.
For us, I am beginning to see the family we could be, what family life should be like. We laugh and play together. Everyone has a role in the family and we fit together so well, peacefully. I’m sad that it wasn’t like this when Noah was here, but I’m glad it can be this way now. Of course, the kids still get in trouble, but it’s dealt with and forgotten. I believe there is a cycle to every parent/child relationship. Discipline and then restoration through the bond. The bond encourages trust and respect for one another. No matter what I tried, the bond just was not there at the level it needed to be with Noah. Jason tried too, but they are so different. With Nora and Lorelei the bond is there, so the cycle is complete.
On the way back from Florida last weekend, I began to make some decisions. The permanence of our new family life was settling in and I felt free to concentrate on the girls. I know that Nora needs more social outlets. She is a social butterfly and we spend a lot of time at home. I decided to make contact with one of her school friend’s mom. I am new to the whole playdate thing without it being related to a church network, so this is definitely outside of my comfort zone. I thought I could, at the very least, write a note for her friend to take home to her mom and then see what happens. I also decided to visit the local dance studio and enroll Nora in dance class. She loves music and dancing and I knew she would enjoy running around with other little girls her age. I was right. She is enrolled in a ballet/tap combo class for Kindergarten and First Grade. She had her first class Thursday evening and LOVED it! (I’ll post pics when she gets her full outfit)
It is also an opportunity for me to make friends, since I’ll see these same moms once a week, every week. Although, I can already tell that these dance classes are a culture in themselves. I received a few smiles and a wave goodbye, so there is hope. I also got a glimpse of Nora’s possible future self. The next class was a group of older girls all dressed in dance attire, walking gracefully and completely in their element. I was reminded of the dance classes I took and I hoped that Nora would make at least one friend and that they would not be mean to her like girls can be. She came out of class with four new friends, hugging one of them goodbye, so I think she’ll fit in well. I am so proud of her ability to make friends with anybody and coast through new situations. Lorelei was waiting in a different room with me and one of the little girls did not share well. She took some blocks from Lorelei and all Lorelei did was hang her head and pout her lip. She and Nora are so different.
Lorelei and I are back at home together after a few weeks of Nora being on Christmas break. Lorelei continues to increase her vocabulary and has become quite bossy. lol She asks things like, “wha’ you doin’, Mommy?” and “Dada too?” if we are going somewhere and she wants him to come along. She does something silly, like put a play purse on her head and then yells Nora’s name to get her attention (repeatedly, louder and louder) and then says, “look”, to make Nora laugh. She has also begun to have her baby need things. It is really funny. I washed the baby doll’s hands today! This morning, I asked Lorelei if she wanted a banana for snack and she said no, but indicated that her baby would like some. I cut up her banana and set it at her place at the table and then set baby in her seat. I walked away to see what would happen and no sooner did I take a few steps then Lorelei grabbed the baby and threw her on the floor. She climbed up into her chair and ate every bite of her banana. lol It’s all day with this baby. Baby needs a blanket and then Lorelei asks me to turn her nightlight on for baby. Nevermind that we are in the dining room and there is no nightlight.
I didn’t get this time with Noah or Nora. At first I didn’t want to be home when Noah was a toddler and then I couldn’t be when Nora was this age. I’m grateful to be able to stay home and to want to for the most part even though I am yearning to get back to learning something new. I’m taking a couple of e-courses and it is satisfying me for now. The baby will be here in a few months and I’ll be plenty busy. :o)