inally I feel like I “look” pregnant and not just fat. While we were out today I noticed that I was feeling less self conscious and more proud to be pregnant. I’ve been struggling with this for a little while and I’m sure now it is related to the upheaval of our lives. I think it is beginning to get better because Jason and I have been talking a lot more and making definite plans for the coming year. The stress of this past year was survivable while it was just me, but the raging hormones and constant state of insecurity from pregnancy seems to have pushed me over the edge. My midwife suggests that I may have Prenatal Depression. I can say that the changes that have occurred over the past week has helped to lessen the anxiety I have been experiencing. I also think the fact that I am starting to feel the baby move is helping me feel more connected.
I can’t say I am loving pregnancy (maybe it will get better soon), but I can say that I can’t wait to hold my baby. That’s what I look forward to-the baby actually being here. It was made more apparent this last Sunday when we had visitors and they had a 2 month old baby in the nursery. It helped me remember what it was like when my kids were little and helped me to look forward to when I will hold our little one. They also had a 14 month old, reminding me of Nora at that age. It’s going to be so fun! (no sarcasm in this statement, really!).
It’s been nice to start dreaming again with Jason. Talking about the future and having him put in his ideas instead of just listening to mine. It definitely helps me feel more secure knowing that we are on the same page or at least how he feels on the various subjects of our future. On our way to the park, the kids and I were talking about baby names in the car this afternoon. It is so silly what they come up with. I was telling Nora that she was going to be named Ella Rose before I first laid eyes on her and she replied that when she was done with Nora I could call her Ella. Umm…ok. I was also seriously considering the name Pear. This was around the time that Gwyneth Paltrow named her kid Apple. Ha! I look forward to naming this child with Jason. Noah would like its last name to be Carpenter like his, but Jason won’t go for that, I wonder why? lol
Here is a picture of me with my belly hanging out. I am 16 weeks.