I had intended to write about how we finally bought the house we’ve been living in for more than three years, but I just feel so yuck today I thought I’d vomit here for the world to read instead.
We’ve been on a specific course for the last couple of years and it’s been slowly harder and harder until a month or two ago when all that energy dissipated. Jason had been in school and I had been going to school full-time and that’s all our brains could handle besides raising four kids and trying to keep our marriage healthy. Now, however, he’s done with school and I’m half-time with zero art classes. Who the fuck are we? I’m so serious.
We now have evenings where we can spend time together. We don’t because I’m watching Big Bang Theory and he’s piddledinking in his office, but not doing school. We do watch a movie some nights, but it’s not like we can go party or have the energy to have actual conversations after yelling at kids to go to bed for two hours after their bedtime. Henry is still in Preschool getting ready for Kindergarten in August, so I have ample time during the day to get things done, those things I’ve been ignoring because school, and what am I doing? I’m watching TV. I’m living vicariously through doctor’s residencies and sibling rivalries and totally do not enjoy when the kids come home because it is just so hard with them right now. So much attitude from tiny bodies! I’m uncomfortable in my own house because I haven’t spent much time there and have yet to develop a good routine.
I am complaining, but I know that this feeling is temporary. Much like that first week or two of Summer break where you’re relearning how to be with your kids 24/7. It’s just such an unsettling feeling to be out of place, but still in the same environment. I went to Bardo today (the art department) and saw friends and it just wasn’t the same. I’m not making anything there or entranced in the art world and no longer truly belong. The people in my Spanish class are *imitate raspberry sound here* and super adorable with their shiny knowledge of one semester of Spanish and 2-3 years left at WCU.
I am excited about graduating and excited to be graduating with friends in May, but right now things feel out of sorts. The only way through it is through it and this too shall pass and all that goodness. Sometimes, you just gotta sit in it or blog about it and acknowledge that life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns right now. And I miss my dad today, which is so weird to miss someone you didn’t really know, but it is what it is.
This is us trying to figure out the new normal. I’m not upset about having more knitters in the house.